Finding The Artist Way

When I first joined substack I had all kinds of plans and ideas. I wanted to write and make content and then share it with the world.

I had a whole series planned. So many ideas to bring to life.

And then I just didn’t go anywhere with it.

Some of you have followed me from the notes I’ve been sharing - mostly art I’m working on, snippets, sketchbook peeks.

So maybe this longer post will surprise you.

Honestly, it’s kind of surprising me.

I think i wanted to wait for that moment when the words would just burst out on their own.

I’ve had them on my mind for a while now but I was waiting for a special moment.

This moment came to me right after a long solitary walk around my neighborhood.

Do you also find that walks give you a certain sense of clarity?

Anyway.

What I’ve been up to these last few months was really a coming home to myself.

I took a serious step towards removing the parts of my life I was no longer enjoying and most importantly I took the pressure off of my creative spirit to make an income.

That’s right! Welcome to my glorious return to a 9 to 5 lifestyle. (But not without the really challenging and growth-inducing lessons I’ve learned on my journey as a creative entrepreneur).

I keep telling myself that I am finally FREE FROM THE SHACKLES OF ENTREPRENEURSHIP (as an artist sometimes I can be a little dramatic).

Freddie and I are two corporate girlies now. We work from home.

But the truth is - it wasn’t that bad, but also, it wasn’t that great either.

10/10 recommend. Zero regrets.

But also, maybe this wasn’t exactly the right path for me to continue to stay on.

2024 was one of the toughest years for my mental health and my family. I felt such intense burnout and just pure sadness from losing my identity because almost overnight it felt like I hated everything to do with watercolors.

So anyway, that was an interesting process I won’t get into in this post.

But what I am trying to get at is that it is really worthwhile getting to dig deep into yourself and figure out what you want.

And also figuring out what is in alignment with your body and your nervous system.

For years I’ve been trying to force and overcome my fears and anxieties when in reality it wasn’t an actual fear that had to be conquered. It was a signal from my body telling me, that maybe, just maybe this isn’t how I should purse my art.

I kept pushing, I kept glorifying the idea that “wow look at me, I have SO MUCH ANXIETY and physical symptoms and I still show up and I share my love of watercolors with the world”. (I would get major upset stomach before *every* single public event I’ve done and been a part of).

This took a heavy toll on my physical and mental health. And no, it didn’t happen overnight, it happened over the last 6 years culminating in an absolute burnout and depression and absolute hatred of anything creative.

Imagine me just straight up hating on something cute like a tiny watercolor palette…

I’m in my late 30s, you guys.

I have lived with anxiety (and occasional depression) all of my life.

I’m not saying that going back to a 9to5 is my cure-all but I will say that having this stability has drastically improved my mental health.

AND it has reignited my creative spirit.

I think I have found the artist way - that elusive path that so many creatives are after.

The beauty and challenge of it is that you can make it be whatever you want it to be.

There isn’t a right path for everyone to follow. Perhaps that journey of exploration is worth a try (like trying to run your own business and monetize your creativity). But it also isn’t the only way to BE an artist.

You can be an artist no matter how many years you’ve practiced. No matter what you do as a career.

I’m cringe but I own it.

The Artist Way is following the journey.

I hope to never arrive and to never “make it”.

Because for me the greatest gift is to keep making my silly little art.

For as long as I physically can.

And having stability (like a 9to5 provides) gives me the freedom to create on my own terms. And it gives me peace.

And for now, that is enough.

What does this all mean for this space? I’m not sure. I do know that I will be running this substack purely on vibes and whimsy. And if you’re into that, welcome! And if not, that’s ok too (I also unsubscribed from a lot of things that no longer serve and I recommend you do that same).

Thanks for reading, sweet friend.

-Volta